Zombie? Or Drunkard... A Quiz!

It's after midnight on a weekend night. You're out on the town.. we'll call it Shmiowa City. You see something strange, perhaps that person over there just had one too many. But, let's be honest, you're a zombie expert and something about what you've just seen is causing you to second guess yourself. You raise one eyebrow and ask yourself, "Zombie? Or drunkard...". Your answer could mean life or death.

1. The person is swearing, singing, yelling, or laughing uncontrollably. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

2. The only thing the person says is "brains". 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

3. There's blood on the person and they can not say where it came from or whether or not it is theirs. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

4. The person has peed their pants. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

5. The person is crying.

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

6. The person dies when shot in the chest. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

7. The person is moaning and may or may not be saying actual words. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either.

8. The person seems off balance.

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

9. The person is not wearing both shoes. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

10. You coerce the person to chase you. You run but they can not keep up. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

11. The person attempts to bite you. 

a. Zombie

b. Drunkard

c. Could be either. 

12. The person bit your friend, your friend died, and then your friend tried to bite you. The person and your friend are ___. 

a. Zombies

b. Drunkards

c. Could be either. 

13. The person is eating a burrito.
a. Zombie
b. Drunkard
c. Could be either.

14. The persons clothing is ripped, bloodstained, or missing.
a. Zombie
b. Drunkard
c. Could be either.

15. The person you thought was trying to kiss you just bit off your nose.
a. Zombie
b. Drunkard
c. Could be either.

Answer Key:
1. B - Zombies only speak one word and they don't express emotion.
2. A - "Brains" is that one word.
3. C
4. C
5. B - The emotion thing.
6. B. - You have to kill the brain to kill a zombie. (duh)
7. C
8. C
9. C
10. C
11. C
12. A
13. B
14. A
15. C

If you answered A to any of these questions, take action. Refer immediately to your contingency plan.
If you answered B to any of these questions, you're fine.
If you answered C to any of these questions, you may not be safe. You have two choices: run some more tests on the individual in question, or get the heck out of there. You decide.

I hope this quiz has caused any Zombie scholars out there to think twice before committing to a night out drinking. You might accidentally try to decapitate a human being... or you might be fooled into thinking that zombie over there is just another drunk person.